If you’ve ever wondered about what draws a man in to connect deeply with a woman early so he can’t help but want to see her again (for more than just a fling) then keep reading…
I’m about to share secrets about meeting and attracting great men that some women know but won’t tell you, or can’t explain.
You’re also about to hear insights into how attraction, dating, and relationships honestly works for men, and what to do about it.
Here we go…
Have you ever noticed that just talking to men for the first time, getting to know each other, and exchanging contact information can turn into some kind of impossible puzzle or “game”?
And the more you think about it or about trying new things, the more you just want to avoid the whole thing?
It’s frustrating and annoying, right?
Does it have to be so much work?
Can’t we both just be ourselves and get past all the tricks, games, etc.?
Well, the truth is, it doesn’t have to be such an ordeal and seem like such a game… if, and only if, you know how attraction works for a man.
I’ll repeat that.
It doesn’t have to be a game IF, and only if, you know how attraction works for HIM.
Notice that I didn’t say how attraction works for YOU.
Have you ever thought about how attraction actually works for men, and how it could be different than how it works for you?
Well, then let me ask you…
Do you know what makes the difference between a man flirting and perhaps feeling some “physical attraction” for you, and a man that becomes almost instantly connected and attracted to you on a deeper physical AND emotional level?
I’ll give you a minute to think about the question…
Got it yet?
The thing is, lots of women THINK they know how things SHOULD WORK with men, but their idea or “strategy” just hasn’t seemed to work out so well in their long, and sometimes disappointing, relationship history.
And the crazier part is that most women never really change their ideas or “strategies” on how they go about finding and creating love, connection, and commitment in their lives with men, even when they just aren’t working.
So what’s the answer to the question from above about what makes that difference?
I’ll share the answer with you in just a minute, but first I’d like to talk about HOW ATTRACTION WORKS around first impressions and early on in the “casual dating” stage.
Then we’ll look at the “deeper” kind of attraction a man can feel for a woman and talk about some specific “how-to’s” that will instantly take your love life to a more fun, resistance-free level as you and a man get closer and closer.
Have you had several relationships fall apart in the past, the same way with different men?
And when it happened, did you start to think that all men have a common set of problems or “issues” that they can’t see for themselves, let alone do anything about?
Well, if you recognize this, then odds are you’ve also had that fear and doubt in the back of your mind that there was also something wrong with YOU here, not just with him.
And, unfortunately, you also blamed yourself for some of HIS problems and shortcomings.
Ouch! Don’t go to that negative place.
The truth is that you’re not alone, and the good news is that it doesn’t take months or years of therapy to find your own understanding of how things really work with men, and to stop being so hard on yourself about it.
And it doesn’t take months of intense schooling or training to change your love life for the better and get back to that open, connected, loving place that you know is there for you with a man.
Let’s talk about how things often work in those first encounters between men and women, and what’s going on underneath the surface here… because first impressions are VERY IMPORTANT.
The short explanation is that men make almost INSTANT JUDGMENTS about how they feel about a woman right when they first meet them.
Everything that happens after a man has a first impression of a woman logged in his mind gets “filtered” through that impression, and it colors almost everything he sees and feels.
So what impression are you making?
Do you know?
And what impression is the best one to make?
Let’s start with the basics and look at the situation early on when a man asks a woman for her number.
When this happens, for a man, it generally means one of several things:
- “I think you’re interesting enough to see again and find out if I could be attracted to you…” (not feeling much attraction or connection yet, but curious)
- “I had a great time talking and I’d like to do it again sometime…” (likes the conversation and attention, but he doesn’t “feel it” yet, even though there’s a “logical” or rational connection or bond with things in common)
- “I’m physically attracted to you, and I want to hook up with you, but I haven’t really thought about anything else it might lead to or mean for me…” (feeling just a physical attraction, with no thoughts or conscious intentions beyond getting physical)
- “I feel attracted to you, and maybe “something more”… so I want to see you again to explore these feelings and find out what you’re really all about…” (feeling both a physical attraction AND a deeper connection)
Any of these look familiar in hindsight?
Well, for women who are in a place where they want a real, loving, lasting relationship, it’s important to know what a man is thinking early on and where he’s already at from the start.
(And not finding this out is one of the biggest mistakes that have women investing a ton of their precious time and energy with a guy that has no plans for having a deeper, loving, lasting relationship)
So… it sounds pretty important actually.
Here are some quick communication tips for you to think about and use early on with men to help identify the good guys from the ones that don’t have a clue:
1. Don’t Be Afraid To Ask Questions
So many times I hear women talk about how they don’t ever want to come off as needy, “bitchy”, pushy, etc. with guys.
And often times, women will say something like, “I don’t want to scare him off…”
Two things are important to know here about asking questions and finding out the “real deal” early on:
A. Only IMMATURE men who already have fears and resistance to commitment and relationships will actually get “scared off” IF a woman asks questions in a mature, playful, and conversational way.
The upside here is that emotionally mature and open guys will be drawn in, not pushed away.
In fact, direct questions, communicated in the right way, are THE KEY to figuring out what kind of guy you’re dealing with – plus they provide you with all kinds of answers about the man’s real character and mindset by his response.
But some women refuse to believe that men can communicate on this open level because of their experience.
I want you to go back to the sentence above about immature men. And now I want you to notice the “IF” there…
“IF a woman asks questions in a MATURE… way.”
It makes all the difference.
So often we get caught up in our own perspective, or dealing with and breaking through resistance and fear, that we don’t realize how much it affects our own subtle communication. (Think body language, voice tone and pattern, heart rate, etc.)
B. Context is EVERYTHING
Have you ever noticed that you can say almost anything and have it mean almost anything, just by changing the look on your face when you say it, the tone of your voice, or the emotional state you’re in?
It’s fascinating to watch men and women communicate, because most of the things we learn and identify about each other happen through silent, indirect communication.
But sometimes you don’t get the whole story, right?
Exactly. So it’s important to be able to ask questions to find out what you need to know.
Like whether he’s genuinely interested in you, or if he’s just a player looking for a quick connection… and then he’s “out.”
One great question I’ve heard women ask men is, “What kind of woman do you respect?”
This not only challenges a man in a playful way, but makes him think and will teach you a lot by how he responds.
But remember, the CONTEXT of your communication is the key… If you say that, and it’s all about an “agenda”, such as finding the love of your life in your first meeting at a bar…, then I promise it’s not going to go over well.
(But you already knew that… wink wink)
On the flipside, if what you’re indirectly and silently communicating is that your questions are about fun, learning, and most importantly – CREATING ATTRACTION, then the man will keep FEELING that connection to you, and respond in kind.
2. Learn What Actually CREATES ATTRACTION For HIM
There are several key “attitudes” and mindsets that men are naturally and magnetically drawn to and seek out in women that they like to spend their time with.
When men interact with a woman and they see and FEEL these attitudes and “ways of being”, they become instantly attracted… and often don’t even know why.
In fact, many times they can’t help but want to commit to something more serious with these women, even if they didn’t consciously want more coming into the relationship.
Let me share with you one of the secrets of how ATTRACTION works for men…
One of the most undeniably attractive attitudes or qualities for men is when a woman is UNPREDICTABLE.
I don’t mean unpredictable in that she might lose control emotionally and get irritated, upset, frustrated, etc. with him or with anyone else around her.
No. That would actually be a turn-OFF for most healthy men…
The unpredictability I’m talking about is being playful, challenging, and creating intrigue.
A great example is when a man asks, “So, what do you do?”
Here’s the boring, PREDICTABLE response that might seem very “nice” and appropriate, but doesn’t create attraction – “I’m an accountant and I run spreadsheets to calculate P&L.”
Or, “I do PR, and I work with so and so clients who had me create a campaign about blah blah blah…”
But wait… these are interesting things about you as a person that someone should know about and value, right?
Yes, but guess what?
Predictable responses make for great conversation to get to know each other – if you want to be great friends.
And yes, your career might be great and say important things about you, but you’ve got to realize that it doesn’t make a man FEEL ATTRACTION for you.
Just like it’s not a man’s career that makes him attractive… it’s his personality, the chemistry you share, and WHY he does the things he does.
Following me here?
So instead, find a way to keep him guessing… Tell him some made up career that’s ridiculous, silly, obviously untrue, and lets him know you’re having fun with him.
(And in case you don’t realize it, men will have much more fun trying to guess and think about what you really do, rather then just hearing it from you right away)
For example, if you’re at a bar, tell him “I’m a social scientist doing research here to uncover how ‘beer-goggles’ really work on men.”
And then you say, with a wry smile on your face as you look at him in a playful and fake suspicious way, “How many drinks have YOU had?”
Guess what? A guy will know exactly what you’re doing and jump into the fun with you… and he’ll probably even make up a silly joke career of his own to kind of challenge you back and take things up a notch.
And now you’ve got a fun, engaging connection… instead of a predictable, emotionally unengaging, and rational conversation about your real jobs.
There’s plenty of time later to get to those things by the way and cover the predictable life stuff. But if a man doesn’t FEEL ATTRACTION from the start, on a deep emotional level, then everything else will be more difficult and move slowly (if at all) with him.
Create the attraction first, and everything else will follow.
So I’ve given you some quick tips on how attraction works, and some basic “how-to’s” to think about for first impressions and early on.
But we’ve just touched the tip of the iceberg about how men really think and feel when it comes to dating.
This is by no means all “the goods.”
Which leads me to the question from earlier about what makes the difference between a man that is interested in a woman, but it probably won’t go further than some physical connection, and a man that feels a deep emotional connection and attraction for a woman and wants to be with her?
Well, most women learn at a relatively early age that men can experience just a physical attraction for a woman, and to not confuse this with something more.
So what is that “something more” than Physical Attraction?
In my ebook, “Catch Him & Keep Him”, I explain in detail what that “something more” is.
It’s what I call “Intellectual Attraction” and it’s that feeling a man has for a woman that will have him court and pursue HER and lead HER into a committed, loving relationship.
The entire first section of my ebook, “Inside The Mind Of A Man”, will give you a clear understanding of how men really and truly think about women, dating, and relationships.
You’ll have a fresh perspective on how to improve your love life just by reading this section and understanding more about what’s really going on with men.
I spell out the common places where challenges, resistance, and confusion arises in men when they’re in relationships, and show you how to think about it differently and be able to avoid the resistance most other women run into again and again with men.
I’ve also devoted an entire section to the specific communication and behaviors that naturally create a deeper, more emotional connection with a man.
The last thing to remember is that you shouldn’t do all “the work” in a relationship just to try and make things good with a man.
If you learn how to create a deeper connection with a man and have him feeling more than just physical attraction, then he’ll be more open, sharing and easy to talk to, and make things better for you both.
So don’t stay stuck in the same old patterns and strategies that haven’t completely served you well with men.